Thursday, December 3, 2009

Incap

"So is anybody meeting us at your house?" I asked John as we walked back to the truck. "Only person I could get ahold of was my buddy Keith. He's a friend from high school. A little crazy, but he's cool. Man, I remember this one time, Keith-" A vicious scream stopped his story short. "What was that?" "I have no idea," I said, "but it doesn't sound good." Suddenly, a hooded figure pounced out of the darkness knocking John over and pinning me to the ground. The fall knocked the breath from my lungs and I barely managed to fight back. The creature feverishly clawed at me while more hellish screams escaped from the face cloaked in shadows. I struggled to raise my new-found shotgun to the creature's chest. I pulled the trigger, expecting the blast to free me from the assault. CLICK. "Fuck! John get this thing off me!" My face burned as a claw caught me just under my eye. John ran up and punched the creature across the face, it recoiled slightly, and then John grabbed it by the collar and managed to throw it off of me. Four quick shots followed as he all but emptied his gun into the creatures chest. It slumped to the ground dead. "Probably should've checked to see if it was loaded," John said reaching down to help me up. "No shit," I snapped. I reached for John's hand and a felt a blinding pain in my arm. I looked down and saw my sleeve was soaked in blood. I rolled my sleeve back and saw a deep gash across my upper arm. "Goddamn," I said. As the adrenaline faded the pain became more significant almost overwhelming. It would be a while before I could use the arm for anything serious. "This just got a lot worse."

2 comments:

  1. I think you should add some sensory details to the hunter attack.. like when you hit the concrete, did you hit your head? or when he is clawing at you, what did his claws feel like on your skin. It's a first person account.. You would know more about it than the fact that he just jumped on you and you're bloody. This is really good. I'm enjoying it. Keep it going.

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  2. I think it needs more sex and violence. Sex sells, baby!

    But I mean, it's good. Really good. I like it. But I'm dumb.

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